The beginning of a new life

   Here we are. Moonlights falls, in the Sims 3.

   If you want my honest opinion, there isn’t much to say about this place. It’s small, it’s always falls, it’s ugly, it’s gloomy, it smells and there is WAY TOO MUCH MOSQUITOES. Oh, and let’s not forget about the little details… like, the blood-thirsty vampires, angry werewolves, kinky fairies, grumpy witches and crazy bitches only waiting for the right moment to steal your beloved garden gnomes under the full moon while zombies dragged out from the depths of hell rushes to eat your brains.

(In my honest opinion, the mosquitoes are worse than ’em.)

Sooo, of all places I could choose, from Sunset Valley to Riverview and those others I could create or download, why did I choose this shitty ghetto beautiful place to start my own legacy challenge?

The bugs Because fuck you, that’s why.

My name is Lysander Nogueira and I’m here to start a legacy challenge and fuck bitches. And I already started my legacy.

   Seriously tho.

   First of all, I’m not into female dogs.

   Second of all, I’m so broke I couldn’t get any lady even if I wanted to anyway… – What, they don’t care? Nuh-uh. Everybody knows girls don’t like boys, they like cars and money. Pffft, you people are nothing but liars and daydreamers. Liars and daydreamers EVERYWHERE.

    Happily, I’m a genuine artist, so it’s just a matter of time until I become the next mister Gothik with a wife so hot, all the E.T.-phone-home will trade their damned phones for the greatest spaceship of all time so they can travel far n’ wide just to get a sneak peak of her booty.

   What? A Sim can dream!

   But I’m dead serious when I tell you I’m a born-artist. I am 156% confident in my creative abilities and my upcoming success as a visual artist. Look at this shit. Look at it. It’s photo-realistic, I tell ya. It’s so beautiful, it looks like you’re just staring through a window. Only a true genius could tell the difference.

   Oh, so you DID notice the awesome sun and lake I added to the landscape? Didn’t know I was dealing with geniuses over there!

While I’m thinking about it, I forgot to tell you the rules of the challenge and the handicaps I chose, since I customized this legacy to make it more enjoyable for me. I know you don’t care, you just want to see me failing at life having great success and funny anecdotes to tell my grandchildren, it’s not fun for me either, cauz y’know, if I could, I’d yell “SCREW THE RULES, I HAVE MONEY” and fly  right away. But as you can see, I don’t have money (happily I’m a wizard, which means I don’t need a fridge yet, but I’m going to eat fucking apples for a while). So, here they are. My customized rules:

ehm… you saw nothing. Here they are, for real:

• – 10 generations on the same lot, starting with a single founder. All heirs and spares must be from the founder’s bloodline. A child may be adopted if you want, however, he may not count as an heir nor make points for the family. All trait must be choosed as random, unless you are playing with the Family trait handicap. The lot may  be of any size, anywhere, as long as the family fund isn’t greater than 1300$ (in this case I started with 1000$)
• – No cheat codes allowed that could give you any advantage, like motherlode or testingCheatsEnabled true. However, in case of game-breaking glitches or bugs, the player may use them to repair the game.
• – The player may not extend his Sim’s lifespan in anyway (eating life-fruit or ambrosia, keeping Death flowers in the inventory – it is allowed to gather them though -, drinking eternal life potion, etc.)
• – All lifetime rewards may be used, except for the following: Old lamp, Immortal, Age Freeze, Moodlet Manager, clone voucher. If using the Sims 3: supernatural, the following potions may not be used: Clone drone, Age instant, fountain of youth elixir, wish-enhancing serum. Ghosts may be brought back as controllable ghosts only so they can become mates.
• – The only Sims who may move to the Legacy house are the heir’s mates. They do not have to be married, but their child must have the heir’s family name. Heirs can have more than one mate. In case of female heir, she may get pregnant without moving her mate in. In case of male heir, the mate must move in before getting pregnant, the only exception being in case of a male pregnancy (E.T.). If the male heir makes a non-living member of the household pregnant, his child may not move in nor become an heir himself/herself. Members that had previously lived in the household may not come back.

Points :

• +1 point per generation.
• -1 point per rich mate who moves in the Legacy house.
• +1 point per family portrait. It must be keeped in display to count. The member in the portrait must be a young adult or older. The number of points that may be done in this category is unlimited.
• +1 point per different type of ghost. It must be a member who previously lived the household, may it be a mate or an heir.
• – 3 points per death of non-member of the household on the lot, the only exception being death by old age.
• – 1 point if a dead family member gets the smallest gravestone. (controllable ghosts such as Violet Slymer or Frida Gothik do not count).
• +1 point if a dead family member gets the biggest gravestone. The number of points that may be done in this category is unlimited.
• +1 point per lifetime wish accomplished. Every lifetime wish may be realized only once. It is also possible to change a lifetime wish via the lifetime reward before it is realized.
• +1 point per masterized skill. A skill is not only masterized when the level 10 is reached, it must have every activity from the skill diary to be done. The chess master activity from the logic skill is facultative. The number of points that may be done in this category is unlimited.
• +1 point per 100k $ in the bank account, for a maximum of 20 points.
• +1 point per 100k lifetime reward points (total, not current). The number of points that may be done in this category is unlimited.
• +1 point per teen who graduated as the best student. The number of points that may be done in this category is unlimited.
• +1 point per different type of gnome displaying in the Legacy house.
• +1 point per different supernatural creature in the household (witch, werewolf, vampire, imaginary friend, fairy, mummy, toad, tragic clown, alien, zombie, controllable ghost). They don’t have to be kept as supernatural once they move in the Legacy house.
• +1 point per different working NPC as a mate.
• +1 point per supernatural Sim who totally masters its supernatural powers.
• +1 point per every finished relics collection displayed in the house.
• – 15 points for every co-sanguin child. However, he or she may be counted as a potential heir, but he must be considerated as a part pf the oldest generation (exemple: if a gen.2 member of the household has a baby with a gen.5 member, the baby will be considerated as part a gen.3 rather than a gen.6)
• – 1 point per basic skill that weren’t teached to a toddler/teen (such as potty training or driving license)
• – 1 point per child or teen who couldn’t end up with an A before they grow up. (deaths doesn’t count).
• – 1 point when a Sim piss himself or herself or sleep on the ground.

Handicaps

• Family trait: every member of the househole aside from the mates must have a trait in commom. In this case, I chose the “ermit” trait.
• Supernatural family: every heir must be a supernatural.
• Cimetery house: Every ghost must be keepen on the lot.
• Genetics: The last generation must be either pink-haired, green-eyed, having elfic eyes or share any other genetic with the founder.
• Story teller: the challenge must be written, just like I’m doing right now at fucking 2 am.
• Let’s be realistic: food may not be prepared if there isn’t the required ingredient in the fridge. As an exemple, if I want to make burgers but do not have steak, I must go to the grocery store and buy some, then go back to the house so I can prepare them, or plant some.
• Self-awareness: Sims with the crazy trait may not be controlled by the player. They know too much.
• We can do it ourselves: The household may not hire repairmen or housemaids. No fire alarm or thief alarm may be used on the lot.

Wow, did you really read all of this? Man, you’re crazy.

Aaand I’m going to end this chapter right here cauz it’s already 3 am. Goodness, would you just look at the time! I know this is quite a short chapter, but to make up for this I’ll leave there a lovely picture of the future great Sim I am, in his natural habitat, the sleeping bag, next to his beloved toilet. (I swear man, toilets are the greatest things ever. This toilet is going to be my Waifu. My beautiful Waifu.)

If you look closely, you can even see a part of the huge dump I took just before. Yes, a huge, smelly dump I forgot to flush… or… did I, just to piss you off? MUHAHAHAHA. Yours to tell.

See ya later, suckas.

(PS: As english is not my first tongue, do not retain yourself from correcting me, dear grammar nazi friends 😛 )