Apples and stuff

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The next days were terrible. Painting, eating apples, struggling to sell my masterpieces (stupid retarded Moonlight fallers, they don’t get art), painting, eating apples, taking a piss, painting, eating apples, painting, painting, painting.

And eating apples.

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At least, I had my magic to keep me from getting insane. It was sad, though, that wasn’t not skilled enough to make a girlfriend appear on the lot. It got lonely sometimes.

Well, I was saying a girlfriend, but at the time, proper food would have been more appreciated. Like, lobster or something. Or sandwiches. Or bananas. Anything that weren’t apples. I was getting sick of apples. I was vomiting apples. And don’t even get me started with the MAC computers.

Sure, I complained a lot about loneliness and stuff, but I wasn’t trying that hard either. Shyness, I guess.

Oh yeah, didn’t look like this, but I was (and still am) a complete ochlophobic when I stopped (and still stop) saying stupidities.

Well at least, my toilet understood me. Right, toilet senpai?

 

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   Me, smiling? Nu-uh, that’s a rictus. A desesperate rictus craving for something that isn’t apples.

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Come on, little wand, Y U NO WORK? Y U NO WORK? D:

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 Time for something that isn’t apples. I’m pumped. I’m so pumped. All the magic. It’s about to come out. And I’m not even talking about the other wand. 

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   HOCUS POCUS NON APPLE-US GOOO!

   Did I screw up again?

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 Man, I screwed up again. Herp a Derp. (that stretching mouth tho)

 

 

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   Oh, toilet-senpai, tell me your secrets. You’re the only one who understands me. Why won’t anybody buy my paintings?

   That wasn’t very kind, toilet-senpai.

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   If you look VERY CLOSELY, you will notice myself painting your ugly mom. That’s your mom. That’s SO your mom.

 

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The days were passing by only to get worse and worse. I looked like a real crazy hobo, talking to toilets, sleeping under the rain and painting underestimated masterpieces while complaining about apples. They may say “an apple a day keeps the doctor away”, but this was getting ridiculous. I even started wondering if I could die of an overdose of apple juice.

I DID complain a lot today, didn’t I? But you know that wasn’t that bad, right? Because here, in Moonlight Falls, once it stops raining, the sky is beautiful. A view you would never grasp a second of its beauty as long as you didn’t sleep outside at least once. And somehow, it maked up for the ruined and boring days

Screenshot-27 *sigh*. Still not worth a GF tho.

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The next day, it was barely 9AM and my skin was already so burned I looked like a fucking 40 y-old redneck. It was too hot to paint outside and the toilet didn’t have much to say, so I decided to go ahead of my ochlophobia and get some ladies. I have a legacy to make, after all.

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Okay. The library may not be the best place to meet people, but at least it has air clim.

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On the spot, I never regretted a decision more than this one. I didn’t know the concept of being silent in a library was so foreign to Moonlight fallers, because bringing smelly and noisy babies and partying like crazy hoes seemed to be totally natural for them. I already missed my chevalet and my comprehensive toilet-senpai.

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Happily I found this website full of lesbians, next to the section of the hot sexy girls in my area dying to meet me and this site where I just won a million dollars in exchange of my bank account number. Somehow, I didn’t trust them. Dunno why.

What to do when you find a lesbian website? You talk about… gardening. Like, gardening stuff… like watermelons. Which is a good thing cauz I’m kind of sick of apples right now.

Nat6sh9XxX_1993: So hrny right now, Wats ur watermelon size 

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx: iz 85 D all natural babe & u

Nat6sh9XxX_1993: 69 F no fake no joking wat u do with em

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx: I am gently toochin em liek iz the most be69utiful thing in daa w0rld god i luv wet3rml0ns

Nat6sh9XxX_1993: Oh yeah dey so juicy wanna hav sum taste

 

W-what now?? A man gotta fulfill his needs, even if it’s in a library full of children.

Please don’t run away. I’m not that creepy.

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*calling as Nat6sh9XxX_1993 with a girly voice*: Heey gurl waz up

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx : gurl dis gon b greater on phone wat u do to maah wet3rmel0ns now

Nat6sh9XxX_1993 : Now I take off the peel so it can be nakd

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx : OMG drink the juice or iz gon b wasted

 Nat6sh9XxX_1993 : OMG guurl ur watermel0n tastz so graat it’s liek a feeding bottle or sumthiing

Mhhm. I might be creepier than I thought, after all.

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But not as creepy as the inhabitants of Moonlight Falls when midnight rings around. If you thought you were normal in comparaison of the other supernaturals, it’s because you didn’t experienced a REAL full moon yet.

You can be nice, you can be normal-looking, it doesn’t matter. It won’t save you from the zombie apocalypse, just as I observed with Judy MacDuff, a mom with five children who had a successful career as a journalist that was turned into a brainless undead right in front of my eyes.

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Apparently, you get used of this when you are living in a world full of crazy stuff just waiting to eat your brain off, as Joe (or Jules) MacDuff didn’t seem to give the slightlest fuck about her mom.

Judy MacDuff: Brrrraiiiiins… Mggnuuuraaafrgh…

Joe (or Jules) MacDuff: Brraaaain brain braaain? 

Judy MacDuff: Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiins *uuuugh*

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Jules (or Joe) MacDuff: HUEHUEHUEHUE! U so funny mom!

Judy MacDuff: Braaaaains?

I left just as Judy was eating the shit out of her son who didn’t care the slightest, just like it was common thing around here.

Wait. It IS common thing around here.

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I wish I could say I went safe home, but it wasn’t really a home nor a safe place. I thought starting a fire in these conditions would have been fine with the authorities, since it was night and people were being eaten by zombies anyway, but I’ve been reminded the insurance has its priorities straight and do not give a shit about the apocalypse. K then.

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Aww, Y u so weak, u damn wand? Can’t you spit it out correctly for once?

(That’s what she said last night.)

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At least, there is always a good side in every situation, you just have to look harder. Zombies, as they are used to break through doors so they can reach the delicious brains of a living people, couldn’t fond any more complex structure than a toilet. It confused them so much they didn’t think about me anymore.

Once again, poverty saved the day.

Sylvia Blanestreet:Braaaain brain brain dafuq brian fuck off (this place smells like poor people. I hate poor people, they don’t taste good, since they cannot shower. screw this, I’m out of here.

 

 

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