Bringing on the next generation



The next day, Alice had something important to tell me. She looked very excited.

Me: You are WHAT?!

Alice: You hear me right. Pregnant. I am pregnant.

Me: But… how? What? I proposed to you only yesterday… We didn’t even had that much sex! What is this sorcery?

Alice: Are you kidding? We’ve been fucking days and night since we live together!

Me: B-but this is way too early!




Alice, unamused: Listen here you lil shit, some days ago you were all about big love serenades and how about nothing lasts forever, you forced me to get a shitty job and now you’re freaking out because we’re habing a baby, which is the WHOLE IDEA behind the stupid legacy you can’t stop talking about.

Me: B-b-b-but this is so sudden… I don’t know what to say!

Alice: Be happy, don’t worry goddamn it!


Alice: Anyway, we are in an hurry get in the car.

Me: But it’s not even fully loaded yet!


I was seriously wondering if I was that much of a little bitch or if that was the effects of her new pregnancy. We got in the car, without knowing where I was going. Alice wouldn’t tell me.


We ended up standing at one of Moonlight Falls’s numerous Tavern. It was kind of weird, as Alice hated going out as much as I did, loner like she was. Something fishy was going around here, but I decided not to ask about it.


Me: I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I’m not unhappy… only stressed! Hug time?

Argus: Hey Lysander! Hey, remember me? Do you? Well I sure do! What are you two doing? Hugging? Are you hugging? Can I join you?

Me: Uh, hello, Argus. No, you can’t join in.

Argus, deceived: Oh… well… I apologize, I know I’ve been a bad boy… just, I just… I should go die in a corner.

Me: Uh, don’t take it like this, Argus… we can… hug later if you want?

Argus: Oh, do not mind me, I just came to congratulate you for your happy wedding.

Me: what?



Weird people I never met before and wearing weird clothes entered in the place. A wedding, in a place like this? With so many people? Really? Was that why Alice was so upset of my earlier lack of enthousiasm ?


Alice: Come on, just smile and wave, they’re looking at us.

Me: What the heck, Alice?! A wedding, really? I thought you didn’t like people either?!

Alice: You were the one who decided we had to get married the quickest possible. Anyway, look, you decided we would both make a legacy, we are going to make it big and official. I invited the whole town so they know who is going to be the big boss in 2 or 3 generations.

Me: But I HATE people! I HATE parties! AND my intention wasn’t to brag around either!

Alice: Deal with it.

Me: Plus that’s not what I meant when I proposed to you! I just wanted to tell you how much I loved you and… wait, I know you also hate this stuff… did you organize all of this just to get your revenge on me for what I said yesterday?

Alice: Bingo! Now let’s get married, they’re kinda here for this.


So the (unwanted) wedding begun. In my youth, I always been used to traditionnal weddings, with the big ass cake, the long white dress and the catholic priest (although I am an atheist) allowing the bride and the groom to exchange their vowes. Here, in Moonlight Falls, a shitload of beasts had to gather and watch the fiancés reciting some improvised poetry and spit on the alliance before they could kiss and get married normally.


Argus: please do not cry, do not cry, do not… this is too much, Natasha, I hope you will be happy and make a shitload of babies. I will always be by your side as long as the fucking game do not crash.


Everybody was screaming their joy (though I barely knew any of them), congratulating us for our new life together… excepted one.


Here he goes, Malcom Harris, Alice’s ex, crying all he could and looking at me angrily while whispering he will get his revenge on me someday. Didn’t know if he was the kind of guy to take seriously, or if he would later lock himself in his bedroom and singing out loud “I don’t love you” by MCR or any other emo song that I would think off. Anyway.


Yo, the party was so brutal, one of the guests even pissed herself. Janet Pok was getting hot, a little too hot if you want my honest opinion.


Don’t get too wet for me, ladies, I’m already married.


While I was forced to participate in the infamous event of the balloon water battle so my guests would cool off, Alice had a chat with Malcom.

Alice: Bleeeh! Malcom, don’t be so gloomy! You know we weren’t made for each other anyway. You won’t get any lady here if you don’t smile.


Malcom Harris: Alice, you do not understand. You broke my heart 5ever, which is more than 4ever. You even invited me to your marriage with that… faggot who stole my hairstyle, apparently. Do you want to make me suffer that much? Didn’t you forget about our death wishes and our plans to become official vampires? Magic isn’t going to lead you anywhere.

Alice: We were teenagers! Emo teenagers who just wanted to rebel against the world!

Malcom Harris: You promised! You promised, Alice!

Alice: Becoming vampires… it was way too quick in our relation.

Malcom Harris: We knew each others since we are five! Instead, you decided to marry a fucking faggot you only met weeks ago! You’re worst than a disney princess!

Alice: … Malcom… I’m sorry but I won’t back off. I might sound like a Disney princess, but I love him.

Malcom Harris: Fine. That’s your choice. But do not crawl back at me if he ever decides to ditch you for a penis or something like this.


The party was rocking.

I hate rocking parties. They suck.

As the guests had some fun doing… whatever crazy hoes and horny werewolves like to do, I decided to get some personnal space and gaze at the stars.

When I was living outside, the only thing that would calm me down was looking up for a shooting star. Never found one, but it calmed me right away.

?: Can I join in?


Me: Sure, Alice.

Alice: Did you like the party?

Me: Not at all. Moonlight fallers are noisy. I hate noise.

Alice: Same here… *sigh*

Me: Did you chat with Malcom?

Alice: It did not turn so well. But at least, we’re finally through.

Me: Beautiful sight, isn’t?

Alice: I could gaze the stars forever, especially when I’m with you.

Me: Me too, actually.

*sound of glass breaking and yelling*

Alice: I think it’s time to go home now.

Me: Me too, actually.


Later, at our house, we decided to have our own honeymoon. Not in some place near the Twikki Islands with naked Vahinés everywhere, but at our own, cheap house, so the wallet could breathe a little.

Alice: But I’m pregnant! I bet I already look as fat as Branch Timbley! I don’t want you to see me like that.

Me: I’d love you even if you were twice his size.

Alice: Then why didn’t you marry him instead?

Me: Because he isn’t you, obviously.

Alice: You’re stupid.

Me: Me too, I love you.


We received a shitload of stuff the days that followed this happy marriage. In my country, the newly weds would receive common and useful stuff, like microwaves and dishes. Here in Moonlight Falls, common isn’t apparently a word people like, so we received a bunch of weird stuff, including a steampunk aquarium, a kawaii neko cheap radio and a golden life-sized statue.




The golden statue was appreciated, since we could rearrange the house after solding it. Look at it! A PRIVATE BEDROOM! A PRIVATE BEDROOM FOR US! And a closed bathroom! Money is the greatest thing ever, I tell ya. Rich and stupid people may say “Money can’t buy happiness”, but  I’d honestly rather be sad in a brand new Porsche and sneaze in golden kleenex.


Look at this beautiful view!


And this living room! We kept the steampunk aquarium, as it was cool, though.


But the GREATEST THING was to be able to eat something… that weren’t apples.

Alice: Honey, you crying?

Me: This… this is not apples… No more fucking apples…

Alice, who was used to eat in restaurents instead: Uh?

Me: This is the best day of my life.

Time fled, and I grew happy of all my new stuff. The paintings were sold at high price, the food wasn’t apples and I didn’t sleep outside in my own shit talking to toilet-senpai.

I miss her though.



I thought Alice would be happy, but one night, she decided she would yell at me. Bitch, I’m trying to sleep. I’ll clean the shower tomorrow, mmhm… Can’t you stop yelling? It’s 5 am! The baby is coming? The baby is coming at 5 am?? Well he’ll wait till the next chapter.

Pfft, fucking king-children these days…


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