Finding the one

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Success! I got my first shower since the beginning of this stupid legacy. Took me weeks of labor and hard work of prostitution painting and convincing Moonlight Fallers that my art was worth something, but I finally did it!

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I couldn’t wait for the day I’ll be able to afford the rest of the bathroom.

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When I got tired of eating apples and painting landscapes, I would come back to the library to check out my account on ForeverTogether.com, the number one dating site around here. Also the only one. Yay for the untold censorship we poor lost SoulSims had to go through everyday.

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As it wasn’t very concluant, I took upon myself and tried chatting with a potential mate.

Lucky me, I fell on the ice queen ’round here, Bailey Swain, the derp version of Bella Swan from Twerlerghts. Time to be smooth as fuck.

Me: Errh… Uh… beautiful time today isn’t?

Bailey Swain : it’s raining, moron.

Me: I… I totally knew that! I mean, I love rain, it’s beautiful don’t you think?

Bailey Swain, emotionless as always : What kind of moron would like rain?

Me: Well… ah… uh… well i meant to say that… guh… you get used to it don’t we? At least when you live outside… I mean, I don’t live outside but… actually yes, but what I meant to say is…

Holy Cheesus tits, that was smooth sailing, just as expected from me.

(I forgot to tell you that my traits were: artist, over-emotionnal, loser, loner and bookworm. I may say weird shit when I’m alone, talking to a toilet or when browsing the internet, but honestly, I’m the crown king of awkwardness. Up to this day, I’m still not able to say if the offensive things I can shout out without thinking are some way to hide my lack of self-confidence, or if it’s because I’m saying so much dumb stuff, life decided to go harsh on me.)

(Maybe it’s just because I’m always complaining that I became the loser I am today, IDK.)

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Bailey Swain : Oh great, now the infamous hobo living nearby the cimetery is now hitting on me. What did I do wrong in my life to get so unlucky? Seriously, scram, you fool, I am pretty sure I could even find stray dogs worthier than you.

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Me: Ahh… eh, well I wasn’t hitting on you… just… wanted to…

Bailey Swain: What don’t you understand by “scram you fool” ? Are you foreigner or something?

Me: … say… hello… huh yeah, I actually am a foreigner, but… but… but…

 

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I didn’t know what to say anymore, so I decided to “scram” like the fool I was, humiliated as I was. But not before I get my revenge. Payback’s a bitch, Ice queen.

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Ain’t so fucking tough and emotionless now, are you, Bailey?

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I would not be smooth at sailing, but at least I could convince people around to decorate their rooms with my stuff. They said my art improved, but I didn’t think so, actually. I’ve always been a genius, them Moonlight Fallers just started to get art for real.

(Yeah, I know you’re pretty geniuses yourselves, so you already know how of a fantastic artist I am, but they don’t. And I don’t want my clients to get upset. So please be comprehensive.)

I gotta go, a client I met on ForeverTogether is waiting for her command. And, maybe I’ll finally find the one mate for me. It’s not that Toilet-senpai isn’t cool, it’s just that she doesn’t have much to say.

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They see me broomin’, they hatin’ (#swag#yolo)

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Boy, here she was: Deedee Wynn, one of the most charming girls around. She really was pretty. Did I have a chance?

Me: So you’re… uh, Deedee Wynn, right? Here’s your co-co-command.

Deedee Wynn : Thanks.

Me: You know… we chatted quite a lot on ForeverTogether… and, uh… I don’t know how to say it but may I offer you a dr…

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Deedee Wynn, running: GOTTA GO K BYE.

Rude.

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Frida Goth, with a voice deeper and manlier than a man: YOU CAN BUY ME A DRINK IF YOU WANT

Me: Uh? Ah, uh…

Frida Goth: YOU ARE KINDA CUTE Y’KNOW, WANNA GIVE ME SOME PLAY

Me: Erhh sorry, I’m afraid I… uh, am homosexual

Frida Goth: HOW COMES? YOU OFFERED A DRINK TO THAT GIRL EARLIER

Me: Oh, I… uh… well, she’s also a man, a crossdresser to be exact, so that’s why…

Flora Goodfellow, in the background: HAN-HAN, what a loser, he’s getting hit on by a stupid ghost!

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Flora Goodfellow: … well, I guess that’s what you call karma. HAN-HAN…

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It’s not like I’m bored or anything, miss Goodfellow, but I really have to pee right now. And leave this bar forever. Have fun with miss Frida and her lovely voice.

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That’s what I thought at least, but at this point, I did not care anymore about Frida’s voice. I was kinda getting lonely and desesperate to find a mate for the legacy, so I came back with a gift, one of my paintings. Worth an hundred $, which isn’t THAT bad actually.

But.. not for a goddamn Goth.

Frida: A PAINTING? ALL YOU COULD AFFORD FOR ME WAS A PAINTING? BRUH, THAT’S SO STUPID AND WEAK IT ACTUALLY CONVINCED ME YOU MIGHT BE GAY OR SOMETHING

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I took the tardis LLAMA with all of my hope crushed and went to the vampire bar thing. Maybe the recent events were nothing but payback for all the dumb bragging and bashing about bitches and stuff I said in the first chapters, who knows.

   Life, I understood my lesson, can’t you be kinder to me, now?

Life with Frida’s voice: NO.

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Unlucky me, I met once again the queen of ice, Bailey Swain. I didn’t felt like being sued by a celebrity, so I offered the painting I was willing to give to Frida and her voice from hell to her. Incredibly, she accepted it.

Bailey, not emotionless anymore: Look, I might have been rash with you earlier. I’m sorry, and you know what, I like this painting. I’m going to keep it for real.

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Bailey *stares deeply at the lamp*

The lamp *stares back*

My hopes of dating her were brought back for a second, but now I’m not sure anymore. I think she wants to date the lamp. Well, stay with your god damn lamp and see if I care any more.

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The day after I called once again the only friend I have, AKA the lesbian who has no a freaking idea who I were. Don’t judge me, that was the only thing that worked out well in my love life. It made me feel good. In several ways.

Nat6sh9XxX_1993 : Hey bb wan sum smexy phonecall involving watermelons

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx : Hey guuurl we should see each other for once, like, I really wanna see if you as fruity as you say u are

Nat6sh9XxX_1993 : What a good idea bb I might have place in my schedule in 3 months

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx : Y not now?

      SHIT WHAT DO I DO? I didn’t want this to go that far!

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx : Gurl? I heard a masculine voice over the phone

Nat6sh9XxX_1993 : Hun I must tell you sumthin

Deep breathe. My answer will be so dumb, this is not going to turn out good.

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx : Wat iz it

Nat6sh9XxX_1993 : I’d love to but only if u a bisexual

xXx_H0t-Alpha-w0lf_xXx : kk I am bisexual u a bisexual?

Nat6sh9XxX_1993 : I sure am! (which was and still is really true but doesn’t count in a legacy challenge). Can wait to see you there guuurl and ur big wertermerlens

 

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*sigh* What did I told her that? If she really was bisexual, I thought I had a chance to make it work out. Right? Right? On the other hand, the chances she is going to kill me for my lies and call the cops would be greater, but I was dumb and desesperate.

What a cliffhanger, don’t you think?

   …

   …

   Shut up, toilet, I’m not that bad at all! You are just jealous :/ (jealous of what, IDK, but I’m sure you are)

 

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